


Two Weeks Notice

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Starting Over [43]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-09 05:44:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1142166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You have no damn idea what I've been through.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Weeks Notice

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR ROUTE 66! This fic is a sequel to Sweet Thing. I don’t often write sequels but when the second story is taking over your mind before you finish the first, that’s a sign.

“Do I have to wear the blanket?” Hotch asked as Beth pulled it over his lap. “I feel a little like Cousin Clara in _Heidi_.”

“The blanket stays. I want you to enjoy the experience of cooking dinner with us. I just don’t want you to catch a chill while doing it.”

He actually thought about arguing the point…for about 45 seconds. There was no way in hell he would win that battle. It could’ve been 109 degrees in the shade and Hotch would’ve had to endure the blanket. The window was open and there was a slight chill from the rainy day.

“You're right; it’s probably for the best.” He conceded.

“Good thinking, Hotchner.” Beth smiled and bent to kiss him.

He’d almost pulled her down on his lap but then there was a knock on the door. Beth went to full wattage grin as she rushed over to it. She checked the peephole first before opening the door.

“Hello there.” She said.

“Beth!” Jack greeted her with his usual enthusiasm. He jumped into her arms and hugged her.

“Hey buddy. I've been looking forward to you coming home.” She didn’t want to hug him too tight but had really missed him.

“Hey Beth.” U.S. Marshal Sam Kassmeyer walking into the condo and kissed her cheek. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too, Sam.”

“Hey Dad,” Jack ran into the living room. “Are you feeling better now?”

“I'm not feeling worse so we’ll count that as a victory.” Hotch replied. He held out his hand. “How are you, Sam?”

“I was about to ask you the same thing, brother.” Sam shook his hand.

“A little broken around the edges, but never beaten. I didn’t even see it coming.”

“Who are you talking to?” Sam asked.

“Hey Jack, why don’t you go and unpack your bags in your room?”

“OK. Hugs, Uncle Sam.”

“All the time.”

Sam hugged Jack, kissing the top of his hair. Then Jack took his backpack, pull suitcase, and left the room.

“I can say that I ignored some things.” Hotch said once he was sure his son was out of earshot. He still kept his voice low. “I never thought it would end up like this.”

“Maybe it wouldn’t have if you had it checked out.” Sam said.

“You're starting to sound like your wife.”

“Please don’t let her hear you say that. You know she only does it because she cares. She knows you better than almost anyone.”

“If you want the truth Sam, I thought they were phantom pains.”

“I've been there.” Sam nodded. “My right hand used to be seized by unimaginable pain; I had no idea why. It nearly incapacitated me.”

“What was it?” Hotch asked.

“My doctors finally realized that my brain was reliving the trauma of my fingers being cut off. Every time I was under too much stress, my brain went into trauma mode. For a while it couldn’t tell the difference.”

“Does it still happen?”

“Yeah.” There was no need to lie to Hotch about what he’d been through and still went through. If there was one person who would always understand, it was Aaron Hotchner. They stared into the face of the devil and lived to tell the story. “Stress will never disappear from our lives. I just had to teach my brain, with help from my doctors, the difference between normal stress and extreme trauma. I'm still a work in progress.”

“Tell me about it.”

“If you ever want to talk, don’t hesitate to call.” Sam said. “Whatever we discuss will always stay between us. I know you’ve got a great doctor and your team is like family, but I'm here for you no matter what.”

“You're family too, Sam.” Hotch shook his hand again. “Jack is here because you put your life on the line to protect him and Haley. I never plan to forget that.”

Sam nodded. He was holding back a flood of emotions. It happened four years ago but would never go away. Sometimes it felt like a lifetime; other times like just yesterday. George Foyet tried to tear Aaron Hotchner to shreds and didn’t care who he plowed through to do it. He won a few crucial battles, and there were casualties, but he lost the war. The scars still burned on those he left behind.

“I better get out of here.” He cleared his throat. “I promised Jessie I’d pick up surf and turf on the way home.”

“How is she doing?” Beth joined the conversation. She didn’t interrupt when they were talking about battle wounds. She let them have their moment.

“She’s ravenous.” Sam laughed. “And sometimes she’s really sweet while other times…watch out. It was the same when she was pregnant with Michael. I think I can handle it.”

“It was the same when Haley was pregnant with Jack.” Hotch smiled. “Then the doctors put her on bed rest. That was ten weeks of pure hell.”

“For her more so, I'm sure.” Beth said.

“We may have been running neck and neck at one point.” Hotch said. “Drive safely, Sam.”

“Thanks I will. Oh, when are you heading back to the Bureau?”

“The doctors said I should be good to go in two weeks.” Hotch replied.

“But we’re taking it one day at a time.” Beth added.

“And on that note…” Sam smiled. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“Goodnight, Sam.” Hotch and Beth spoke in unison. She waved to Sam as he showed himself out. “Where’s Jack?”

“He knew to step out of the room because Sam and I were going to talk about grownup things.” Hotch said. “We have signals.”

“You and I are going to talk about grownup things later too. I’ll go and get him so we can start dinner.”

Hotch leaned his head back on the arm of the couch, sighing when Beth left the room. He knew that she would be upset, how upset he couldn’t calculate. That was something they would have to work on after dinner and family time. Nothing was going to get him out of it so it was best to prepare. Walking into a potential battle unprepared was never a good plan.

***

“OK, OK, I think I got it.” Beth laughed as she restarted the game.

“Are you sure?” Jack asked.

“I think so. I jump through the three rings, over the lava pit, and then I can gain the extra life.”

“Right.” He nodded and then laughed. “But you keep falling in the lava pit.”

“I know. I can't believe I did a triathlon and can't jump over a lava pit.”

“You just have to practice.”

Hotch was still lying on the couch, feeling a little out of place but still enjoying watching Beth and Jack spend time together. Earlier as they made dinner together, he got to sit in the kitchen so they could all experience it as a family. Jack loved getting his hands messy in the ground beef. 

“ _Now it’s time for the bread.” Beth said. She had three pieces of Italian bread with the ends cut off and she handed one to Jack and one to Hotch._

_“What do we do with this?” Jack asked._

_“We’re going to tear it into little pieces and add it to the meat.” She replied._

_“Why?” Jack asked._

_“That is a very good question. The truth is that I don’t know.” Beth smiled. “But my mom always added bread crumbs to our meatballs.”_

_“It’s a tradition then.” Jack smiled._

_“I like that…it’s a tradition. You make them really small and then throw them in the bowl with the ground beef. You ready?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_Hotch was happy to slice potatoes into thick circles and let Jack season them._

_“Don’t add too much salt buddy.” He smiled as Jack carefully did his job. He was concentrating so hard to make sure he got it just right. It reminded Hotch of when Sean was first caught by the cooking bug. Perfectionism was a Hotchner trait._

_“Like this, Dad?” Jack asked._

_“That’s good.”_

_“We set the oven to 400 degrees, putting in the meatballs and potatoes at the same time.” Beth said._

_“What do we do after that?” Jack asked._

_“Now it’s time to make the sauce.”_

_“It’s in a bottle. How do we make it?”_

_“Go and grab the foot stool from in the front of the window.” Hotch replied. “You and Beth make it together and I’ll watch.”_

_“OK.” Jack ran out of the room._

_He didn’t have far to go but Hotch used the opportunity to steal a kiss. Beth smiled, stroking his face. He had a five o’clock shadow but she didn’t have a chance to tell him how much she liked it._

_“He's loving this.” Hotch whispered._

_“I know; so am I_.”

“OK, I think the third time is going to be the charm.” Beth used her joystick to make her little character run across the mountainside. She had no idea what she was doing really but it was fun. If an eight year old could get off of the third board than so could she…hopefully.

“Jump right there!” Jack exclaimed. He was pointing wildly at the TV. “There, there, there!”

“I got it.” Beth was going crazy on the joystick. “I think I got it.”

“Watch out for the lava, Beth.”

Hotch was laughing at them as his phone vibrated. Beth was surprised by the noise, though she didn’t let it break her concentration. She didn’t even know Hotch had his phone. His pants had no pockets so where was he hiding it. Did she even want to know? 

Hers was in the bedroom and she didn’t want to be near it. All of her friends and loved ones knew she was taking care of Hotch. Any phone calls she got would be emergencies. She checked for texts and voicemails daily, particularly from work, but was happy to be separated from the thing for a little while.

“I need to take this call.” He said as he answered the phone. “Let me put you on hold for just a moment.”

“Is it work?” Beth didn’t look back at him when she asked. It was mostly because she survived the lava pit and was trying to get to the next board.

“No, but um…I have to take it. I need to take it in the bedroom.”

“I should help you.” she paused the game.

“No, I can do it on my own.” Hotch’s tone was calm. “I'm fine. A little slow, yes, but fine. You two keep playing and I’m going to take this call.”

“Alright.”

He couldn’t look her directly in the eye. It was the first thing Beth noticed but tried to push the way that she felt about it to the pit of her stomach. Hotch was hiding BAU phone calls like your average guys hid cheating. How many had he taken in the five days he’d been off, not counting the two days he’d been in the hospital? 

She knew they could function without him for short periods. They were smart and good at what they did. Was it him who was calling to keep tabs on what was going on? He had to know if he was hiding it then it wasn’t good. She suppressed her sigh, turning back to the TV and unpausing the game. 

“OK Jack, I think I might survive this board.” She smiled at him.

“You just have to go up the ladder and over the snow peaks. Board four is my favorite.”

“With all you have to do to get there, I can see why.”

***

“You're pissed off.”

“Do you really think that’s the best way to start this conversation, Aaron?”

“I needed to take the call.” He said.

“This is not about the phone call.”

“Then what's it about?”

“You know what it’s about.” She turned to look at him. He was sitting up in bed and Beth was sitting at the bottom. “Don’t do that. We can have a real discussion or we cannot talk at all. But we’re not doing that.”

“Beth, I can only go back to work if I'm cleared by the doctor. She’s the one who said it would take about two weeks to heal before returning to regularly scheduled life.”

“You do realize that regularly scheduled life for your average person is an office job, right?” Beth asked. “Hell even if someone is a hotdog vendor or the person who paints line on the highway, their lives are totally different than yours is. You cannot go back to what you just two weeks after major surgery.”

“It was emergency surgery, yes, but they say it was pretty routine.” Hotch said.

“What's so routine about passing out in the conference room at work just before you told your team wheels up in thirty? What if this would’ve happened in the air, or as you were going to pick up Jack? I don’t think you’re understanding the seriousness…”

“I understand.”

“So you go back to work. And you're running after some suspect or knocking down some door or doing something where a split second decision could mean life or death. Do you really think your body needs that trauma so soon after being cut open by doctors? This time you might not be so lucky. You don’t just have yourself to think about.”

“I know that.”

“You don’t act like you know that.” Beth shook her head. “What's going to happen to Jack if something happens to you? What's going to happen to me? I need you to stop being how you're being for five minutes and really listen to me. 

“I know you love your job, I know you need your job. But you’ve got to take care of yourself. I'm not asking you to leave the BAU forever. I'm asking you to be smart. After you were stabbed they didn’t clear you for thirty days. Just give this another two weeks.”

“I don’t like confinement.” Hotch said. “I can't just sit here and watch the world go by. This week together was great but you're leaving for New York in two days. Jack has school and I’ll probably have him stay with Jessie and Sam a few days if I can because I can't do it all on my own right now. I can't sit here alone and let the walls close in on me. I have to keep moving.”

“You can hardly move, Aaron. I've been helping you to the bathroom. Are you going to have Dave do that for you?”

“Arguing about this is ridiculous anyway. If the doctors don’t clear me I can't return to work. No way is Strauss going to sign off on field work without crossed T’s and dotted I’s. We’ve been in enough trouble with oversights. I can work the desk.”

“I think it’s a really bad idea. You're not a kid anymore and 47 year old men don’t heal like 27 year old men do, mentally or physically. This surgery has brought up so many old wounds you're like a walking open scab, Aaron.”

“That’s a pretty picture.” He shuddered.

“You need to…” Beth got up from the bed and ran her hand over her face. She never wanted to say anything she shouldn’t. She never wanted to hurt Aaron or be hurtful. That was so easy to do when you were frustrated or angry. “Nevermind.”

“Don’t nevermind, tell me what you really feel.”

“I don’t think you want me to do that.”

“No, I do.” Hotch said. “I want you to tell me what you're thinking. No holds barred, go for it. Just say it…its practically bleeding out of every pore.”

“What happened to you was awful, but you're not a special snowflake Aaron OK? People have trauma. People have dealt with death and pain and heartache and they get up and keep going. You repress too much. You keep it all inside and you're going to explode, and that job isn’t going to save you when that time comes. I love you but hate this. I know what you’ve been through…”

“You have no damn idea what I've been through.”

“You know what, you're right.” She held her hands out in front of her. “It’s hard to know someone’s pain when you have to chisel even the smallest bit of information out of them. I opened myself to you and if you think that was easy you have no idea. All I want is a little reciprocity; not because life is a give for a give but because I love you. I want to share your story. 

“I want to comfort you when you hurt because I love you. But you keep me at arm’s length, Aaron. And you put on that suit and you go out there and slay those demons except you don’t at all. They’re here…they're in this room with us. George Foyet is right here!”

“Lower you voice.” Hotch hissed.

“I can't do this.” Beth went over to the chair and grabbed her jacket. “I'm just going to take a walk and cool off. I don’t want to say something we’ll both regret. I can be angry without going on the attack.”

“Don’t walk out on me. Beth…don’t walk out on me.”

“I can't swim against the rough current anymore.” She said. “My only two options right now are to give up and drown or fight with everything in me…and still drown. I need to take a walk. I just need…I need to go.”

“Its dark out, and it’s raining.”

“I'm a big girl, I’ll be alright. I can't stay here right now.”

Without another word, Beth walked out of the room. Never was she so glad that he couldn’t come after her. She needed to breathe; Aaron wasn’t the only one would feared confinement. Beth went into Jack’s room. For a moment she just watched the little boy sleep. 

She was grateful the argument hadn’t woken him. Giving him a kiss, Beth went out to the living room, put on her jacket and walked out of the door. She didn’t even have an umbrella; she really didn’t care. Getting a little wet was the least of her problems right now. And the fact that she was frustrated enough to burst into tears before she cleared the condo’s front door fit perfectly with the weather.

***

“I made tea over an hour ago but it’s cold now. I honestly didn’t know if you were coming back.”

Beth nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the voice. Hotch was sitting in the easy chair by the window, a blanket covering him. It was late and he should’ve been sound asleep. The codeine he took for the pain usually made him groggy and drowsy. Maybe he hadn’t taken it tonight; maybe he was trying to prove a point. Beth had no idea. It was hard to think with her heart about to leap out of her chest.

“Every time we have a fight I'm not going to break up with you Aaron.”

“I know.”

“You don’t know.” Beth shook her head. She took off her jacket and put it in the closet.

“I guess there's a lot I don’t know.” he said.

“Stop doing that…stop making it all about you. Sometimes I don’t even know if you know how much you do it. This is about the both of us. This is about an abundance of things we can't even count.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t want you to say anything. It’s late and you need to go to bed. I'm sure you need to take your medicine. I've seen you on codeine and this is not you on codeine.”

“I wanted to be awake and aware if you came back.” Hotch said. “I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“I'm sorry for upsetting you. I'm sorry for making a nice evening not so nice.”

“Yeah.” Beth nodded. She walked over to the couch, sitting down on the arm. There was now about ten feet between the two of them. “I know that you are.”

“You sound like you don’t believe me.”

“I believe you, Aaron. I really do.”

“Tell me what I need to do to make this better.” Hotch said.

“No. We need to put this away for the night. It’s late so you should probably go to bed; I know I should. Do you want me to help you?”

“I should do it myself.” Hotch put the chair in an upright position, pushing the blanket aside.

“I'm going to sleep out here on the couch.”

“Oh c'mon Beth, don’t do that.”

“It’s better tonight, OK?” she went over and helped him out of the chair. Then she kissed his lips. “I love you, get some sleep.”

“I wish you wouldn’t.” he said.

“Goodnight, Aaron.” She sat down on the couch.

“Goodnight. I love you too.”

He moved slowly, took his time, but he eventually made it to the bedroom. There was no way Hotch would be able to sleep tonight. The codeine would knock him out but there wouldn’t be rest. Beth was out in the living room but she felt a million miles away. Hotch had no idea how to reach her. 

She was angry; he'd seen her that way before. More than that she seemed resigned. He was never going to change and wasn’t worth holding onto. She never promised him that she wouldn’t leave. Even when you loved someone it didn’t mean that they wouldn’t drive you right out the door. That was something Hotch knew from experience. 

He used the bathroom, got a glass of water, and got into bed. In one hand he held a prescription bottle and in the other his cell phone. There was something he needed to do before the night was over. Hotch’s stomach was in knots as he made the call. He couldn’t be sure if that it was nerves or pain. At this point he planned on ignoring both.

“Aaron? Hey, are you alright?”

“I know it’s late Sam and I'm so sorry. You said if I ever wanted to talk…”

“Yeah, I did.” Sam cleared his throat. He’d been sound asleep but he was awake now. He pulled the covers back and did his best to silently climb out of bed. He could tell from his brother-in-law’s tone that this could be a long call. He didn’t want to wake Jessie.

“I need to talk.”

000

“Mom, I know it’s late and I apologize.” Beth slipped out of her shoes and laid down on the nearly comfortable couch. It was going to be a long night. “I just need to talk. Aaron and I had a fight, and yes I know that’s normal but…I'm worried about him. I'm worried about us. 

“Can I really handle this? Is loving him going to be enough because I love him so much. He's a handful but I think we’re really happy together. I know that he loves me. He's just been through so much and he's afraid to open those floodgates. 

“Not just for me, which I get I do, but he's afraid to look inside. Or maybe he already has and doesn’t want to share it with me. I'm rambling, I know, I just need to know what to do. How do you knock some sense into the man who thinks he knows everything? 

“He's not Iron Man, he's Agent Coulson who's awesome but doesn’t make it to the end of the movie. I can't say I love him and walk away. I can't say I love him and stay while he kills himself. We were talking about marriage the other day.”

“I also used the famous five words on your father; tell me what you're thinking.” Her mother said. “Don’t talk Bethie, listen. He has a lot to say but maybe you're talking so much that you can't hear it. I'm not saying that in a bad way, believe me. Just give him the floor. If he doesn’t take advantage of the opportunity then that’s one thing, but give it to him. Open the door and let him walk through.”

“What if he stays on the other side?” Beth asked.

“He loves you too much to do that. Aaron’s come a long way in the two years you’ve been together and the four years since his wife died. But we’re all works in progress. You know it’s not easy but it’s worth fighting for.”

“It’s worth fighting for, tooth and nail. I'm just really tired right now. I don’t have a lot of fight left in me.”

“You need to get some rest. Sleep, I'm not saying it’s going to be peaceful but you need to do it anyway. This obstacle will be there in the morning…you can climb over it then.”

“Thanks Mom.”

“I love you, Bethie. You can call me tomorrow; at a reasonable hour.”

“Yes ma'am.” Beth laughed some. “I love you too, goodnight.”

She ended the call and put her phone on the coffee table. Turning on her back, she closed her eyes. She could still hear the rain falling outside but it didn’t nothing to lull her to sleep. After a half hour Beth got up and walked down the hall. The lamp was still on so she knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

Hotch was holding the phone away from his ear when she walked into the room.

“I can't sleep without you.” she said. “I do it enough already and I'm not doing it tonight.”

“Come in.” he went back to the phone. “I have to go. Can I call you again in a couple of days?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks Sam, goodnight.”

Hotch put the phone on the nightstand as Beth crawled into bed. Her back was to him but at least she was there. Hotch quickly took his codeine, turning out the lamp and sliding under the blankets. The bed seemed as vast as the ocean and they were two ships trying not to capsize.

“I'm going to turn over on my side.” He spoke in a low tone. “You can come a little closer if you want.”

“I don’t want to disturb your stitches, Aaron.”

“Please just let me hold you. Please don’t make me start rambling in a soon to be codeine-enhanced stupor.”

Beth turned around and looked at him. She took his face in his hands.

“Tell me what you're thinking.” She said.

“Now?”

“When the drugs wear off.”

“That’s probably a better idea. I don’t like fighting with you, I can tell you that much right now.”

“Close your eyes and go to sleep Aaron Hotchner. Shall I sing for you again?”

“That gesture was really lovely but I think the rain makes a nice lullaby.”

He put his arm around her and Beth moved closer. Their chests weren’t touching but their cheeks shared a pillow. She closed her eyes and sighed as Hotch gave her Eskimo kisses. Beth put her hand on his face. She just needed to breathe; in and out, out and in. 

The obstacles would be there in the morning. She wasn’t sure if that was an observation or a warning. No one ever said relationships were easy. Who Aaron Hotchner was, what he went through, and what he did for a living made it that much harder. Sometimes love wasn’t enough. Luckily for Beth they both had a lot more weapons to fight with.

***


End file.
